Show all posts5 Ways To Pump Your State And Make Dating and Pickup Fun Again
One of the most important principles of feeling good and feeling positive to go out and meet girls, and *maintaining* positivity is all based on this single principle:
Emotion follows Motion.
In other words, your inner emotions, your state, follows from your physical actions and motions.
So the way you move, the way you breathe, the way you exercise your muscles, the way you facially express yourself, the way you work your vocal chords, the way you hold your posture… instantly affects the way we feel, the way we think, and the way we respond.
How Our Physical Motions Affect Our Emotions
And it’s universal. A depressed person has a specific posture. They’re slumped over, their shoulders are down, their eyes are heavy, their breathing is shallow, and their facial expression is slack.
While a happy person stands tall, shoulders up, eyes alight, breathing full, with a particular facial expression.
And you can change your state and emotions instantly in seconds, just by changing the motion of your own body.
So if you force yourself to smile, even if you’re feeling blue, you’ll start to feel happier.
If you get up and start moving, even if you feel depressed and you don’t want to get out of bed, you’ll start to feel better.
If you talk and act as if you have the traits and attitudes of a happy person, quite soon you’ll begin to feel happy.
Think of how you feel right now, from 1 to 10. Maybe you feel like a 6 or a 7… maybe an 8 at most, right?
Well, now do ten jumping jacks. Even if it seems silly and you’re not in the particular mood to do so. Now, do you feel better than before
Even just working out by vocal chords speaking this lesson itself pulls up my state and mood.
Or make funny faces, stick out your tongue… THAT will pull up your mood.
Conversely, the more you limit a person’s physical motion, the more you limit their inner emotions.
Like can you think of an old person, someone who doesn’t “get around much anymore?” Getting old is not a matter of age, it’s really a matter of lack of movement. And the ultimate lack of movement is death.
Little Kids Move To Have Fun
And when you were a little kid, you had all this motion. You spent as much time trying to stand on your head and jumping off the stairs and doing somersaults as you spent on your own two feet. You laughed and cried and jumped around and just fucking MOVED without caring about what others thought, because you were a kid, and that’s what all kids do – they just want to PLAY physically.
But as adults we learn to limit our motion to be “appropriate”. But appropriate means you fit into somebody else’s box, and if you fit into somebody else’s box you’re rarely going to have an extraordinary life.
So moving more and moving better is an important factor in really enjoying your life and feeling good inside and having that positive state for meeting women.
But most people don’t move much anymore. They’re couch potatoes. Or they keep moving in the same, sedentary way, and the just recycling through the same emotions again and again – a little bit of frustration, a little bit of happiness, a little bit or boredom, a little bit of tiredness, but they don’t FEEL anything REAL and INTENSE.
But physical movement is energy. Physical movement is life. Physical movement is what will make you FEEL good.
Like just going to the gym and having a good workout with the blood coursing through your veins will make you feel that starburst state, and make the rest of your day feel great and put a smile on your face.
Or take dancing. Dancing involves laughing, dancing involves smiling faces, friendly voices, meeting new people, and the possibility of sex. Dancing is a physically vigorous activity on two feet. And studies show that dancing is the single greatest source of joy of all activities that a person can do.
Because everything that we feel is the result of how we use our bodies. It’s difficult to hold onto a frown when you’re doing the salsa with a bunch of cute girls.
An Example
Here’s how you can pump up your state so that you feel energetic and eager to go out and meet women.
One evening I helped my buddy move a bunch of furniture. It was real exhausting working. Sweating, muscles burning. Every muscle in your body STRAINS. And it’s a real cardio workout as well, your heart gets pumping.
Well that was a Friday evening, and right after I showered and changed, I went out. And right off the bat I was on fire, talking to and grabbing every set of girls on site with like a dangerous lunatic.
Something about just having that total body pumping workout set me on fire from the first moment – whereas normally it takes me a little while of being social to warm up.
So the key to being in a good, positive, in the moment state is physical movement.
Spiking Your Emotions
You’ve got facial movement – so you always want to smile, even just force it.
You’ve got posture, how you hold yourself – so you want to stand tall like a champ with your chest out and proud.
You’ve got vocal movement – so you want to speak nice and LOUDLY.
And if you’re feeling a little down in the bar or club, you’ve got to get your body MOVING.
This means opening a set of girls, or just physically pumping yourself up.
Like through dancing.
Shout ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Or clap and sing with the beat and music.
If you’re with a friend, you can lock arms with your buddy and jump up and down… or high five each other.
You spin in circles.
Do an Indian pow-wow war dance.
Make impressions of animals like elephants and gorillas.
Sure, doing an Indian pow-wow dance in a club *looks* foolish; but it’ll give you an incredible shot of adrenaline and boost like you just chugged a liter of Red Bull. And it will make you fearless for approaching because it will pull you out of your blah-blah emotional state and out into the sky.
So if you’re ever lacking for enthusiasm, remember you need to get physically moving and force yourself to do it.
And if you need to pump yourself up at the club, start dancing, clapping, shouting, spinning, do an Indian pow-wow dance, make funny animal impressions, make funny faces, and get your face moving, your posture in line, your body moving, your vocal chords moving, and that will really make all the difference in the world to your inner game.
Talk To Girls To Pump Your State
One of the best ways to get into state, is to simply walk up to girls, start talking, and start having fun with it, while at the same time physically escalating.
And when the girl tries to mess up your positive vibe by being too serious or by being non-responsive to the frame you’re setting, you just hold your fun, positive frame and eventually she finds it more FUN than hers, and she gets drawn in.
And with every girl you open, as long as you remain unreactive to hold your state, will pump up your state a little more until you reach a feeling of freedom from outcome, where it feels like nothing can hold you back.
And at that point, once you’re “in state” from all the social momentum, you can virtually say ANYTHING and it will work better than any kind of pickup lines or routines.
Work On Your Overall Beliefs
You can also work on your overall belief system. This is just how you perceive who you are, how you look at life, what kind of emotions you spend much of your time in.
For instance, if you perceive that you suck with girls and you go around feeling depressed, that makes it very hard to get into a great state.
But if you spend much your day thinking to yourself that you’re the champ and feeling happy and positive, it makes it very easy to get into a great state.
It’s basically how you’re feeling from day to day.
Warning – Be Careful Of State Dependence !
A word of caution however…
You’ve got state dependence when you have this belief or feeling that you need to be in a good state to do well with girls. You think you’ve got to feel awesome and positive and energetic to get good results.
So when you’re feeling good, you believe you’ll do well.
And conversely, when you feel like you’ve got no state, you’ve pre-determined that you need to get good state first before talking to any girls.
You think that because you’ve got a bad state, you’re game will suck, and no girl can possibly be attracted to you.
The problem with this belief, is that when you’ve got no state, your game will suck or you won’t even try, and then you suck or don’t try because you don’t have any state, and it becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy or negative cycle that’s difficult sometimes to pull yourself out of.
You’ll either have great nights where you’re “on” or you’ll have nights where you’re “off” and you crash and you crash hard.
And then you won’t feel like going out unless you feel like you’re 100% on. You’ll avoid meeting girls unless you’re state “perfect” which it rarely will be.
The fallacy behind state dependence is that, while feeling energetic and positive will get you better results overall, great state is NOT necessary to creating hard attraction.
Pickup and game is NOT about being “liked” which is a subtle form of supplication, wanting to be liked all the time and always getting positive responses. Even if your state is bad, you can still approach a girl in a low key way, strike up a low key conversation, physically escalate, and still generate hard attraction – no state needed.
Don’t use pickup to lift your spirits
Another problem guys have is trying to use pickup and game to change how they feel.
The guy feels inadequate or kind of shitty, and he wants to use pickup or game to lift his spirits.
So when he gets good reactions, gets eye contact, makes a girl laugh, he feels his state pick up, he feels like he’s a success, he feels like he’s likable.
But when a set doesn’t go as well, when the girl doesn’t react in the way he was looking for, he feels unlikable, he feels like he sucks and he’s unworthy.
And you get this seesaw rollercoaster effect, where one moment you can be high as a kite, and another moment you can be down in the dumps, where you have no control over your internal state. Where you’re using girls validation and the game to try to change how you feel and your state.
This gets especially worse as you get more experienced.
Early on, just going up to a girl AT ALL, doing your first approach, will make you feel an incredible buzz of excitement. It’s easy to use the environment and girls’ validation to pump your state and feelings, because your expectations are so incredibly low. ANYTHING makes you feel good, because you’ve never done it before.
But pretty soon, just approaching a girl won’t give you the same high. Pretty soon, you’ll feel like you need to kiss the girl to succeed, or physically escalate.
And you start entertaining the girl, trying to please her, trying to force good reactions, so that you can get positive responses to get that same high you got from before. But pleasing girls all the time at every moment gets exhaustive and it’s not fun over the long haul.
At that point, you CAN’T rely on the game to determine how you feel, because at that stage of advancement you’ll get incredibly variable results from day to day and from girl to girl.
So you want to stay away from using the game and using girls’ validation to feel good and manipulate your state.
Instead, you want to set your expectations very low.
And when your expectations are low, that’s when you’ll start having fun because you’re not expecting anything really big and you can’t be disappointed. When your expectations are low, you’ll be able to draw state from within, from internally, and gradually build your state up over the night, not being based on positive or negative reactions, but based on being a social guy, talking, and physically putting yourself out there and meeting new people.
So don’t be state dependent, state is not necessary for going out to meet girls, and don’t look to the girls to amp your state.
