Do You Really Need a Girlfriend to Feel Better About Yourself?
"I want a girlfriend" is a phrase I read and hear a lot. I also
hear some men say "I need a girlfriend." I also have had men ask me
"how do I get a girlfriend?". My usual response is "why do you want (or
need) one so badly?"
Somehow, somewhere, some men have
been conditioned to think that their lives would be more meaningful if
they had a girlfriend. "But I feel like such a freak if I don't have
one," says Jeremy, a 22 year old college Senior. "Most of my friends
have one. I feel like a loser."
I hear this from men of all ages
and backgrounds. The problem here I see is two-fold: first, that men who
say these kinds of things do not have the different skill sets they
need in order to secure a date virtually anytime they want. Secondly,
there is an inherent problem in thinking that one needs to have a
girlfriend in order to feel more complete, popular, or whatever other
reason you can think of. Happiness and fulfillment should come from
inside first and then having a partner, a girlfriend, or a romantic
interest should be the icing on the cake. So if you are one of these men
that feels and believes he has to have a girlfriend, that's a big red
flag that you are using that as a crutch. A crutch for what, you might
ask. It's a crutch for not facing the real, deeper issue(s) that drive
that false belief that you have to have a girlfriend.
Men who want
a girlfriend are coming from a place of weakness, not power. For the
sake of this article, power is defined as the ability to take consistent
action toward a very specific purpose. For example, my friend David
constantly tells me he wishes he had a girlfriend, but he plays 30 to 40
hours of World of Warcraft each weak instead of learning how to improve
his social skills. That is not coming from a place of power. When a
man desperately wants a partner it makes him act and behave in a needy
and desperate ways. Women pick up on this even before you approach them.
They can see it in your posture, your eyes, the way you move your arms,
and other aspects of your body language. Then when you talk they can
hear it in your voice as well as where you place your hands. You
shouldn't "want" a girlfriend or "need" a girlfriend. You should choose
to have one when you meet a woman that fits your criteria, won't play
silly games with you, and compliments your life, not impedes it.
Men
sometimes want a girlfriend for the wrong reasons. Men should "choose"
to have a girlfriend, not "need" one because they are succumbing to
social pressure or a feeling of insecurity or loneliness. There are
times in my life where I did not have a girlfriend for several months or
even longer than a year. That did not mean that I did not date. I went
out on plenty of dates, but I never called any of them my girlfriend
because I was at a place in my life at the time where I did not want
anything serious. I've had women tell me after a few months that they
wanted to move in with me and when I told them "no", they gave me an
ultimatum.
Either take the relationship to the next level or she
would end it, she would say (after a few months? Come on!). I would
always end it right there on the spot because I never give into selfish
ultimatums. The fact is that my self-esteem and confidence are so high
that I don't "need" a woman to originate my happiness. I think of my
life as dessert and that any woman who wants to join me is simply the
whip cream and strawberry on top of it. I realize that sounds a bit
corny, but it's a very accurate metaphor. I'm not saying that having a
girlfriend is a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing when it is done
for the right reasons.
So how does a man make himself more
attractive? The list is nearly endless, but here are a few pointers that
men need to seriously think about:
1. Physical Appearance And
Hygiene - I used to worry about my height because I didn't think I was
tall enough to date tall, attractive women. That was a huge waste of
time and energy. I finally realized that I needed to focus on what I
could control, such as my weight, my muscle tone, the way I ate, using
only one spray of cologne (instead of half the bottle), the whiteness of
my teeth, my hairstyle, etc.
2. Confidence - I'm talking about
natural confidence that oozes from within, not the phony
"I'm-such-a-bad-boy" confidence that immature men think is "cool". If
you don't have it now there's only one way to get it: taking action; not
just any action, but action that forces you outside of your comfort
zone so that you actually grow. Think about it, if you have approach anxiety,
you'll never overcome it if you don't approach. Remember the Rule of
25, which states you should eventually approach no less than 25 women
per week until you can talk to any woman, any time, and any where. Some
men achieve this in one week, others in 3 months because we are all
different, have different shyness levels, and might have a bunch of
other things going on in our lives.
3. Have A Life - Studies have
shown that desirable men have active, social lives. Let's face it, when a
woman knows that other women desire you, your social value skyrockets.
One way to increase your own social value is to have hobbies and
interests that help improve who you are. Playing video games versus
going out an learning how to dance salsa, swing, or hip-hop might both
be fun for you, but take a wild guess which one gives you more
opportunities to meet women? If you couple this with a growing social
network, you will naturally find yourself a very busy person with plenty
of social events and opportunities to meet new faces. I can go to any
major city in the world and within 90 days I can build a social network
of new faces and friends that would take an average man a lifetime to
build. That's only because I've done it time and time again. If you
remained focused there's very little you can accomplish.
4.
Having A Plan For Your Life - Are you starting to see a trend here? Have
you noticed that the focal point has been to focus on yourself first?
Most people go throughout life reacting to it instead of sitting down
and writing some rough outline of what they really want out of life.
Let's take Samuel, a 33 year old recently divorced accountant, as an
example. For many years Samuel thought that having a girlfriend and
eventually getting married was the true road to happiness, but he didn't
have the social and relationship skills to find the right mate and
ended up marrying the wrong woman. He began wondering if this was as
good as it gets (sounds like the movie right?).
One day Samuel
called me with his dilemma and I advised that he get away for a weekend
and to take a notebook and pen with him. I wanted him to spend the
entire weekend writing down what he really wanted out of life and the
reasons behind them. When he called me a week later, he was a changed
man. He started, "I thought that I always needed a girlfriend to feel
good about myself. Now I realized that is just one facet to living.
Real fulfillment comes from within, from a sense of contributing, and a
sense of moving forward."
Samuel was starting to get it. And he eventually met a woman that complimented his own life and he's never been happier.
Do
you still want a girlfriend? Or do you feel like you still need one?
It's very important that you take a look inside yourself to find the
answer. Remember, you should never "need" a girlfriend. You should reach
a point in your life where you "choose" to have a girlfriend on your
terms. And that makes all the difference in the world. Just ask Samuel.
INSTANT GIRLFRIEND
"How To Instantly Turn Any
Girl You Meet...Within A Couple Hours...Into Your
Girlfriend Almost Overnight... Without
Sleeping With Her?"
Discover The Most Powerful, Simple-Ways
To Instantly Almost Magically Create A Girlfriend
Connection With Any Girl You Meet!
|