5 Shockingly Easy Methods on How to Flirt With Women
Well,
for this subject, we’ll need to ask a girl, because girls are the
queens of anything and everything flirting. Truth be told, us guys are
merely pawns in their wicked, wicked game of sultry seduction.
So
I asked my friend “Brenda.” That’s not really her name, and she’ll only
contribute to this article based on the condition that I use strict
anonymity. To make a long story short, she’s got this Brutus the beefcake boyfriend who’s just a tad bit jealous (translation: he’s a freakin’ psycho idiot with weird ears and a Hulk Hogan tattoo).
Anyways,
I asked Brenda to tell me about her flirting techniques and she was
more than happy to spill her guts. I personally don’t really remember
much from that time, but I damn sure remember the night Brenda walked
into the club.
She had long, blonde hair, ocean-blue eyes and legs that go on for miles.
Coincidentally, I took her home that night, but I’m not sure if it was
my stunning good looks, or my successful flirting technique. She told me
it was both. The evening started off much like any other typical club
night. Had a drink, talked to some girls, had another drink, talked to
some other girls, had another drink…you get the picture.
So
Brenda walks in, and I nearly choked on my Jack Daniels and Coke. She
came in with a group of girls, but I was immediately drawn to her. I
stood in the back of the bar, and watched her work the room like a pro.
She
passed me on the way to the bathroom, and I shyly looked up at her and
gave her a half-smile. Honestly, I was almost pissing down my leg that
she even looked my way. So I contemplated my timing and estimated when
she might be walking out.
This
was a complicated process. I know from experience bathroom breaks for
girls are ridiculously long. It’s not like they whip it out and hit the
nearest urinal. I estimated two minutes for the actual peeing process. I
estimated 30 seconds to wash her hands (Brenda looked like the kind of
girl who washes her hands).
I
estimated another 45 seconds for hair touch-ups, another 20 seconds for
lip gloss, and 15 seconds to give herself that final once-over in the
mirror. So exactly three minutes and fifty seconds after Brenda walked
into the bathroom, I made my way to the men’s room.
I
turned and looked the other way and wait for it…wait for it…BAM! As
Brenda was putting her powder back into her purse, she bumped into me,
and I conveniently spilled my drink all over myself (it’s a small
sacrifice).
“Oh
my gosh…I am so sorry! Here, let me help you,” Brenda said to me as I
muttered something about how clumsy I was and it was me who should be
sorry. “You poor thing. You’re soaked. I feel awful. Well, the least I
can do is buy you a drink since I just wasted yours.”
Hook…line…sinker!
I
have never told Brenda what actually happened that night, mainly
because she’s still a regular 3 a.m. booty call, and I intend to keep it
that way. So I asked Brenda for her top five favorite ways men flirt
with her. I was a little shocked, to say the least, at some of her
answers, but if we imbecile men want to know how to flirt with women,
then we have to ask a woman.
I
also asked Brenda if I could practice these techniques on her, and she
was more than happy to oblige. Coincidentally, we didn’t make it past
number three before we were in her bedroom, so trust me when I say these
techniques are a sure-fire way to a woman’s….ummmm….heart. To flirt
with a woman, you need to be the guy she wants you to be.
Re-invent yourself
- Shy guy– Dummy me thought women liked a “take charge” kind of guy. A man’s man. A guy who’s going to show her what’s up. Well, that’s relatively true. But what they really want, at first anyways, is a cute, quiet, shy guy whom they can wrap their arms around and protect from all the stinky skanky sluts of the world.In other words, don’t throw yourself over the first available relatively attractive female. Women apparently like a little mystery, so give it to them. Sure, flash them your pearly whites (hope you used your Crest white strips) and leave the rest to them. You just have to pull them in with your “Mr. Bashful” routine. For God’s sakes, don’t let them know you were voted “biggest flirt” in high school.
- Mr. My Girlfriend Just Dumped Me– This is too easy. Girls fall for a guy whose heart is hurting. They want to comfort them and protect them that mean ol’ nasty ex-girlfriend who broke your heart. Lay on the tears if you have to. Girls love vulnerable men. Soon, she’ll be telling you why your ex is frickin’ crazy for letting go of a guy like you. Once she’s well into her pity party, slowly look into her eyes and tell her how pretty she is. Sure, it’s all based on a big fat lie, but love is a battlefield, so go into it heavily armed.
- Squeeze her, tease her, please her– this is undoubtedly my favorite method of flirting, and girls go absolutely nuts for it. They love being poked (gently), prodded, and teased. Tell her she’s getting “bossy.” Tease her about the wild side she keeps hidden from her friends. If she’s a blonde, tell her a blonde joke, but don’t make it too crude. Girls love a guy who can make her laugh. When she gets up to go to the bathroom, block her way. Trust me, she’ll love it.
- Competitive flirting– there’s nothing better than a little friendly competition. If she’s athletic, you can challenge her to a game of one-on-one hoops. Gorgeous girl, basketball, two bodies crashing against each other in a sweaty contest…what’s better? If she’s not athletic, challenge her to a game of scrabble or monopoly, or Jeopardy. On second thought, leave Jeopardy out, you really don’t want her to know you can be completely ignorant at times.
- Tickle her – There’s nothing girls like more. But know the definition of tickling before you try it. Do not jump on top of her, hold her down, and freakin’ violate her. She’s not going to like it and your parents will see your mug shot on the front page of tomorrow’s edition. Tickling can be subtle, and doesn’t have to make her piss her pants. Try a feather and slowly move it up and arm. It’s guaranteed goosebumps.
Any
of these methods are good things to try, but it’s not the be-all,
end-all manual to flirting. That actually depends on the girl you’re
trying to flirt with. Some girls are more playful, and some are as
serious as a nuclear attack. Get to know the girl first (this is a good
time for some serious Facebook stalking), and find out her likes and
interests.
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